TRUE Friends

Hellllllo Bloggers!

I haven't blogged in like a week so I thought I'd write a little something....I took a sleeping pill about 20 minutes ago though, so I don't have a lot of time....

Annnnyways, in one of my most recent blogs, I talked about how I had decided to make some changes in my life, mainly having to do with the people I was choosing to surround myself with on a daily basis. They were bringing me down to a level I finally realized would lead me nowhere.

Well, here's the cool thing...God has decided to show me that I made the right decision...I LOVE when He does this!!

When I first moved to town, I worked at Brighton in the Green Hills Mall for almost 2 years. I met my friend Katherine while working there. She was 2 years younger than me, so we were the only "college aged" girls who worked there....we immediately clicked. She quickly became my best friend here in Nashville, but unlike me, she actually went to college :) She goes to Tulane in New Orleans. (She is from Nashville though, so she would work at Brighton over holidays and summers) For some reason, we lost touch about a year and a half ago....she went back to school and we really drifted apart. Three days ago she sent me a message on facebook telling me how much she missed our friendship...it brought me to tears. God knew I needed my friend back, and He was gracious enough to place me on her heart that night.

Now, tonight I signed onto facebook again, and I had another message in my inbox....from yet another friend from the past....infact, another one of my BEST friends from high school....same sort of thing....I feel as though God is bringing back into my life all of the people who were once my TRUE friends...He is showing me that even though they may not live here in Nashville, I still have real friends...and that's all I really needed to know.

I've felt very lonely the past few weeks...knowing that my life has made some major changes isn't very easy. I know now though that I've made the right decisions. :)

Thank you to anyone reading this who has been a TRUE friend to me. I love you :)

xoxo

Emily

Change.

My whole life has changed direction in a matter of a week. I've had major life changes before, but never so many in such a short time. It's such a strange/scary feeling to have complete security on a day to day basis and then all the sudden you feel like you're walking on a 2 foot plank hundreds of feet off the ground...nothing to grab onto, nothing below to catch you if you fall...this is how I have felt for the past week.

1. My grandpa died a week ago today. I rushed home last Saturday, leaving Jaggy with Rob for the week I was there. I was really starting to miss home, but this was not a reason I was glad to be there. He was a great grandpa...he cared so much about his grand kids, I think to make up for his short comings as a dad to my mom and uncle, my Mom would tell you this same thing. He loved me so much, everytime I would go over to their house when I was home he would ask me if I was a hillbilly like my grandma now since I lived in TN. (She grew up in TN). I get my sense of humor from him. I'll miss him so much.

2. In the week I was home I "lost" pretty much every close friend I have here in Nashville. By lost I mean I realized what horrible people they really are. I'm not going to go into detail, but some things happened that really made me see them for the type of people they really are. I have decided to remove them all from my life, completely. Along with the places they hang out, which include Buckwild, and other places downtown. I'm taking a break from that whole "world" for awhile....It was starting to change me into the type of person that my "friends" were..and that's someone I never want to be. I need a change of lifestyle. No more going out every night, no more drinking, no more stupid guys, MORE focus on my music, MORE focus on my relationships that actually matter, MORE focus on God. Simple enough.

3. I thought I had a new job all in place, and it's turned out to not be what I thought, sooooo I'm still looking for a job...which I hate doing.

4. Apparently I got one to many speeding tickets and I have a "suspended license" until June.....awesome....could one more bad thing happen?? I always think no, but then something does! I'm trying sooo hard to keep that "positive thinking" thing going, but it's getting a little difficult to think positive when everything seems to be crumbling right before my eyes.

5. I've realized my heart belongs to someone....and I hurt him. He's everything, my best friend, my shoulder to cry on, my reason for laughing and smiling everyday....I miss him. He knows who he is. I'm sorry. I love you.

Update :)

Hey Ya'll, I haven't blogged about 2 weeks....lots of stupid crap has been going on...I no longer work at Buckwild...I'm no longer "Friends" with ANY of my ex's....I can't deal with all their drama.

I am however OFFICIALLY signed with a manager as of Friday!! :) I'm really really excited about that. I am finally moving in the right direction down here!!

I'm in the process of getting a new job...another singing job and probably a part-time retail job too, just to make some extra money. So please pray for me and my job hunt situation! :)

I've been reading "Your Best Life Now" by Joel Osteen....amazing. EVERYONE should read it. It's very inspiring, and God has spoken to me through the messages that Joel writes. It really focuses on positive thinking and knowing that God is a God who wants the best for his people (me!)...He wants us to live a full and exciting and happy life...and if we follow Him, He's willing to give us more than we could have ever imagined! How great is that?? :)

Anyways, here are some things I'm excited about: (random, i know....)

1. My mom is coming in a week!!!! (however, NOT excited about getting my wisdom teeth out, that's why she's coming...i'm actually a nervous wreck about this)

2. I'm pretty excited about the fact that all the sudden, I actually kinda want to work out a few times a week....I used to hate it!!!!

3. Hopefully, starting a new job soon!! I needed a change...

4. My sister might be moving in with me for a few months after her husband deploys again...yay!!

5. I have a photo shoot coming up on March 13th!!!! :) :) :)

6. I've been tanning lately and so I finally don't look like a ghost!

7. Writing appointment on March 3rd with Jay Speight

8. Studio with Cindy and Erik on March 1st to put my vocals on an awesome song we wrote!

9. I feel like I've finally conquered the art of positive thinking....I'm no longer a "downer" when situations go wrong....God directs our paths certain ways for certain reasons and I have now realized that and am very content with it....it makes life so much easier :)

10. I gave Jaggy a bath last night an he's very soft and fluffy :)

11. I finally saw High School Musical 3 and it was amazing....and I'm still obsessed with the Jonas Brothers.....more than ever! I love being 13!!! :)

This is like the most random blog ever, but I was bored so I thought I'd give ya'll an update!! :)

Oh yeah, um, join this site so you can be a "follower" of my blog! And start your own!! It's fun :)

xoxo

Emily

Break-Ups

So...I haven't really blogged about anything really personal yet, mainly because like I said, I don't really like to let people know about that kind of stuff...but I don't think many people read this, so I just kinda need to unload. Topic: break-ups.

I've realized that with every break-up, my heart gets a little harder and I get better at pretending it doesn't bother me. I've had 3 boyfriends since I've moved here. The first one was Preston. I started dating him before I even moved to Nashville, and I can honestly say that if it wasn't for him, I may not have moved here. I believe that God put him in my life at the perfect time because He knew I needed a little incentive to get my butt down here and I was too much of a "home body" to just up and leave my family just because I wanted to take a risk on my music career. So that begins the story of Preston. We started dating in May of 2005 and I moved to Nashville in September of 2005. I still to this day can't really describe what it was about him that made me fall soooo deep in love with Preston, but i fell HARD. He was the first guy I ever TRUELY 100% gave my heart to. I would have done anything in the world for him...and I pretty much did. I put everything in MY life on hold to be "preston's girlfriend"....and for the first year and a half I lived in Nashville, that's pretty much all I was. My mom and I would get in huge arguements because she knew I wasn't doing what I moved down here to do, and in the back of my mind, I knew it too, but I was too concerned with being with Preston. I loved him more than I've ever loved any guy I've ever been with....to this day. He had some hold on me that I still don't understand. I think there's just something about that first love that you can't ever get over. Ever. I still think about him often. We broke up in December of 2006, but it lingered for another few months, so we weren't totally done with eachother till about March of 2007....that was the longest relationship I have ever been in. I think it's crazy that I've lived down the street from him for the past year now...I have been working across the street from the Wildhorse when he's had shows there, and I have yet to see him in almost 2 years...it's almost like God knows that I will always have the weakness for him in my heart and He is protecting me from ever falling back into it. It's not where I'm supposed to be, no matter how much I ever wanted it to be. But for the rest of my life, Preston will be my 1st true love...and I don't think I'll ever totally get over him.

It's hard comparing other guys back to Preston and the way I felt when I was with him, because I've never quite felt what I felt for him for anyone else. There have been times when it was close...but never the same.

(Plus, Preston gave me the best thing in my life....Jaggy) :)

The next guy I dated "seriously" was Nate.....oh my....Nate. That was THE WORST relationship I've ever been in. EVER. EVER EVER EVER! I can't even begin to explain because you wouldn't believe half the stuff I told you about him. He was the most selfish, arrogant, rude, insecure, annoying prick I have ever met. I was blinded once again because he was a great singer and he was good looking. The first night he met me he wanted to start planning our wedding....red flag??? Yeah....but I blame myself for being so freakin stupid and giving into the whole charade. I don't know what I was thinking...but I got way to deeply involved with him way too fast and it came back around to bite me in the ass, HARD. He insisted on moving in with me, he made me pay for half of EVERYTHING, or make me pay for all of it...He never brought me flowers, gifts...never did sweet things for me...and I'm not saying material things are what makes a relationship, but literally, this guy was the CHEAPEST jerk I've ever met. He made me go back to Kentucky with him to move him out of his apartment that he lived in with his previous girlfriend and clean the whole thing....he thought it was my "duty" as his new girlfriend to clean up all the messes that his ex-girlfriend made. I know, I know....what the hell was wrong with me?? WHO KNOWS. I'm just glad I got out of it when I did...because not 2 weeks after I finally broke it off with him, he was ENGAGED to another chick!!! HA!!!! pathetic.

Needless to say, he was a quick forget. I was literally over him in like a day. I was so glad to be out of that relationship. Oh yeah....he got so mad that I loved the Jonas Brothers that he threatened to break up with me if I didn't stop liking them......HAHAHAHAHAA! I'M NOT KIDDING!!!!

K, well the most recent guy I dated will remain nameless. People who know me know who he is. But I'm not gonna slam him, there's no reason for it really. I instantly fell for him...he was so much fun, he made me laugh more than anyone ever has. We weren't even together very long, but I had a crazy connection with him...and I'll miss it a lot. He just had some stuff he needed to work out on his own time....and I didn't need to be in his way....it makes me sad. I saw a future with him...he made me genuinely happy. I wanted him to be the one I was with for a long time, and I really thought he would be....but sometimes things just fall apart, and that's what happened. We've only been broken up for like a week, and we're trying to be friends....which is good, cause I would miss him too much if we weren't. He's someone though that I wonder why God brought him into my life for such a short time. I feel like I was given my favorite candy bar and then someone took it away from me when I was only half way through with it....I'm just kind of left thinking, "wait, i thought that was mine..." but it never really was i guess....

It wasn't a bad break up, it was actually one of the "best" break ups I've ever been through...but I think I'll always be dissappointed with the way things turned out with him because I saw great potential with our relationship...

I've had other guys I've been interested in along the way...I've gone on dates and spent time with guys, but those 3 were my most substantial relationships since I've lived here and I guess I just kinda felt like taking a look back on them tonight...I don't regret any of them because they have all had a very obvious purpose in my life....I wouldn't be where I am today if it weren't for all of them...and even though I feel like I've been put through a literal hell with these relationships combined, I have learned a lot from each of them....

I'm not ready to meet "the one" yet...and I don't think I will for awhile...but I am ready to meet the one who will treat me right. With respect, consideration, loyalty...the things that I believe I deserve from a man. Because when you give me those things, I will always give them back to you.

xoxox

Emily

My job is to go Buckwild....literally.

Anyone who knows me knows that for almost the past 2 years I have worked downtown Nashville at a bar called "Buckwild Saloon". It's a karaoke bar on 2nd Ave., across from the Wildhorse (if you've ever been to Nashville, you might know where this is). I am a karaoke host 5 nights a week...which means, my job is singing karaoke...not bad.

I work on tips and tips alone, so the past few months have been horrible because in Nashville, no tourist = no money, and not many people come to Nashville for their vacation during the winter months...but once the warm southern air starts to stick around week after week, the tourist population starts to grow rapidly in Nashville, and essentially, so does my bank account. :)

There are definatley down falls to this job...like the fact that my boss is an out of control (and by out of control, I mean OUT-OF-CONTROL) 40 year old man who is pretty much believes that if you're not stumbling drunk, you can't have fun....so this leads to him grabbing the microphone out of my hand and screaming things like "WHO WANTS TO GIVE ME A BL*W JOB?!" and running the majority of my customers out of the bar....thankfully this only happens about once a month...lucky me!....

However, most of the time, he is back in Panama City Beach, FL (where he is from) running his other bars he owns down there. When he isn't in Nashville, my job is a breeze, and I have so much fun working there. I've always thought BuckWild could have it's own reality show. There is always some sort of drama going on within the bar. I am one of about 6 other singers. There are about 10-13 bartenders, most of them beautiful girls. The actual bar at Buckwild serves as a stage, so someone is always singing/dancing on the bar. It definately took some getting used to, considering I had never really stepped foot into a bar until I was 21. I met one of my best friends (Rob) at Buckwild. I've also met some of the worst people I've ever known at Buckwild (these few will remain nameless...). I've seen quite a few celebrities walk through our doors at Buckwild. I've made a 350lb. black man strip down to his boxers and dance on the bar because I sang Beyonce or Mariah Carey (yes, this has happened more than once) hahaha.

Basically, it's crazy, all the time, but I wouldn't trade my job for the world. I love being able to sing almost every night. I love being able to go and hang out with my friends and call it my job. I love working downtown.

I worked tonight, so I thought I would blog about it because not many people actually know what I do for a living here in Nashville. If you're ever in Nashville, make sure you stop by Buckwild and see me! :)

xoxoxo

Emily

First Time For Everything...

I've never had a blog before...I've never even really kept a journal...I just recently started writing songs to get some of my emotions and feelings off of my chest, but I decided this might also be a nice way to start "keeping track" of my feelings about everything going on in my life.

I don't really like a lot of people to know my inner thoughts and emotions, but for some reason, tonight, this seemed to be a good idea. So here it goes....

I've lived in Nashville now for almost 3 1/2 years. I moved here right after I turned 20 years old. Twenty years old...that is so young to be on your own. Looking back, this journey I've been on for the past 3 1/2 years has been a long and winding road, and yet every step I have taken, every curve I have made, every detour I've gone on, every crash I have had, has essentially lead me to exactly where I am right now. There have been successes and tragic circumstances, but I wouldn't take one single thing back or do anything differently, because I may not be where I am right now if it weren't for all of it.

I don't think many people can look back on life and say that they know exactly why they met every substantial person that had ever come into their life. However, since I have lived here, I can do so. It literally is like a storybook. There are so many different characters and scenes of the book, but each of them plays such an important part in my "journey to the stars".

I have been through some of the worst heartache and pain in my life since I came to this town. I have such a love/hate relationship with Nashville. I love it because I feel like it holds every dream I've ever had right under my nose. I feel like being in this city inspires me to accomplish my goals. I love driving around and feeling so comfortable with this city even though I'm so far away from home. Driving down Broadway still excites me 3 years later...I still find myself turning off my music in the car when I get to 5th avenue and rolling down my window to hear the sounds of all the different bands playing in all the different "honky tonks". I love being able to walk down the streets and see atleast 3 people I know at any given time. All of those things are what keep me here.

On the other hand...I hate the fact that I have a dream that takes me away from my family. I hate living all alone. I hate struggling to make money. I hate waiting, and not knowing how my future will turn out. I hate how anyone and everyone you meet is going after the same thing you are...and SO FEW will ever get it. I hate musicians, they break hearts. They have broken mine once or twice...or three times...but then again, they can go on my "love" list too...I hate that.

I can honestly say though, I will probably never leave this city. I've worked too hard to give up now. I have a few too many people in the back of my mind that I need to prove wrong. So I'll be here for awhile.

I guess that's kind of an "introduction" to this whole "blog" thing...I'm not gonna go into my whole life story. I have so much going on right now, emotionally, I'm drained. It wouldn't be smart for me to get into details about all of that. We'll save that for a later date...

I don't even know who all will read this...but I will try to write a few times a week and keep you posted on what's going on in my "crazy tragic, sometimes almost magic, awful, beautiful life" :)

xoxoxo

Emily